Love Languages of a Single Parent - Physical Touch

Physical touch is a language that crosses all colors, any language, any race, ethnicity or culture. A quick embrace can say I love you, or a pat on the back can say “good job”. The language of physical touch is powerful which is why the amount that we do or don’t touch can make or break relationships.

So in the middle of my reading, I began to think about the relation of single parents and physical touch. How does a single parent who is living for God give and receive physical touch without crossing the boundaries of the flesh and enter into lustful temptations? As a single parent, will I ever be able to fill my emotional tank from someone other than my child? Will that need ever be able to be fulfilled while I wait for matrimonial bliss, if this is the path that I will eventually take? I have at times wondered, do the wedded or never married understand the physical trials we [single parents] face?

Yes, yes, yes! Though at times things seem out of sorts and unfulfilling, there is a way. I have thought on this, battled with this, and finally relinquished the burden of it to God. For you who speak the language of physical touch, you too can fill your emotional tank. Here is how.

For the Singles/Never Married/Once Married/etc:
This may sound unrealistic, but in all reality the first place you need to look to is God and not to man. GOD IS OMNIPRESENT. He is there when you need Him. You need a hug, ask Him. You need physical comforting, ask Him. I’m not playing. Yes, He is a spirit, but He also once came down and manifested Himself into man. He fully understands the needs of physical touch. He experienced the beauty of a mother’s touch, or a father’s pat on the back. He knows about the bedtime stories and cuddling. Outside of the parental touch, I’m sure He at one point was tempted by flesh. The bible says that Jesus was not appealing to the eyes, but I bet that some woman found him appealing. Really, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, attraction does not always stem from looks, but from power, authority and a demanding appeal. He had all of those, even to the unbeliever. He never sinned, you never hear about His disciples dealing with lust. They focused on God and the kingdom of heaven, instead of the advances of women. That’s what we must do even when it seems impossible, Keep Your Eyes on God. By staying focused your physical desires can be fulfilled through the Spirit.

Have you ever been praying and felt a strong presence of the Lord? It’s almost
like someone is right there with you. I have. There have been several times when
I have been praying and I feel the warmth of loving arms surrounding me. It is
so real, I have opened my eyes expecting to see someone only to see nothing.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, evidence of things not seen (Hebrews
11:1). I could not see Him by sight, but I could feel him by faith. It was at
these moments my battles were won. He touched me, I know he touched me, and oh
the joy that floods my soul.

God understands what we need and when we need it. He knew that I needed a hug and not a pat on the back. He knew I needed to feel secure and only the language of physical touch could provide that sense of security and love that I was seeking. He knows and He can provide. So, ask Him and see what He can do for you.

For the fellow church family:
You are awesome. You know why? Because we pray together. Do you know that we are filling love tanks when we pray together? Ladies, when we join together as one or even just jointly pray we are communicating love through the language of physical touch? I can’t say how many times, I was going through the “unloved” stage of being single and really wanting just a hug, when one of you would come put your arms around me and pray with me. All I wanted was affirmation and you provided it through the simple act of prayer. You were an answer to prayer. This is one thing that made me fall in love with this church as well as Pentecost. The friendliness, the sensitivity to the needs of others is evident daily. Sometimes a hug or a touch to the arm are the only words that need to be spoken. So, when you see someone praying alone, unite with them, because you are not only unifying in the spirit, but are providing love, through an unspoken language that can speak louder than words.

Crossing Boundaries:
As for crossing boundaries, all I can say is, if you live in the flesh, you will cross boundaries. If you live with the Spirit in you, the issue of flesh will seem like an anthill and not a mountain. Flesh should not have dominion over you, and if it does then the Spirit cannot. This is not easy when we are surrounded by flesh and lots of it pretty much everywhere we go. This country particularly lives by the “Sex sells” philosophy. Its pretty sad when restaurants think the only way to sell a burger is by putting a woman in a bikini in the advertisement. They know that what appeals to the eyes will ignite physical desires whether this is eating a burger or drinking a soda. So don’t let your flesh have control over you, but keep control of your flesh and you will remain within the physical boundaries and be able to benefit from the language of physical touch.

Ultimately, my need for physical touch has been fulfilled. I still battle with the “unloved” stage every now and then. Those are the times when I am giving more hugs, because I want some in return. Those are the times, I go pray with others even more because my temptations are being conquered by giving to others what I want done to me. Do unto others as you wish them to do unto you. Sometimes you have to give in order to receive. Its okay to have needs, we are human, but sometimes you have to let others know what your need are so that they don’t waste time in trying to guess and possibly miss your hints all together.

Stay tuned for more on
the Love Languages of a
Single Parent...

The Love Language of a Single Parent - Introduction

I have been reading The Five Love Languages of Children, a book written by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. The book is exactly about the what the title says, the love languages of children. I have to say that it is an exceptional read, especially for those parents who have no idea what happened to that once loveable, outgoing child.

I think as parents we often don't realize what changes our children go through and how sensitive they are to their surroundings and anything that threatens to alter it. We equate everything to the "phase" that they are going through, when it might simply be a cry out for love.

So, this got me to thinking...I as an adult have often cried out, even when I didn't realize that I was doing it. I too have gone through phases, my most memorable being postpartem depression, but there are things that I battle with still today. If I was to examine my love language I would have to say that at that time, my tank is not quite full. But I know where I can fill up.

So, starting tomorrow, I will begin my 5-day blog on the five love languages of a young single parent (Since I am one). Each day I will examine one love language and discuss what a single parent might think when the tank is empty and when the tank is full. Tomorrow, I will begin with the language of physical touch.

Stay tunned for more....

Six Foot and Proud

Today, I wore flat shoes, which is a rarity for me. Though I stand 6’ tall, I love to wear heels and have no quarrels about it at all. I realized that I must be "giganta" woman when I am in my heels because today I wasn’t towering over my coworkers as I normally do. So when I received numerous stares and comments on not wearing heels I instantly thought to an article that I read in Shape Magazine. It was nothing big, but just some quotes on things that have made people feel good. One woman was tall and made the comment that although she towers at 6’1", she loves to wear heels to show the world what an "amazon" women she is. This made me laugh because I do notice that when I get off the platform from praise singing that my microphone normally stands a foot higher than all the rest. I don’t dress this way for attention, I purely do it because I love heels and feel bare without them. God made me tall, and I will love every inch because that’s what He wanted me to be. God made us in the form he liked best for us, don’t try to be something that you are not, but love what you are.

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." (Genesis 1:27)

What Have You Done for Me Lately?

I can only classify yesterday as "Unforgettable". The title that I have used came to mind during the morning preaching. Pastor Pryor taught on commitment. It was one of those sermons where the finger is not pointed at you but you couldn’t help but feel like it was directly meant for you. I know I am not the only one, which is why I can freely say this, but the sermon was one of those were you can hardly breathe because you know in some way that you have not followed through, you have not committed where you should have.

I couldn’t help but think how uncommitted this world really is. I know there is war going on between religious sects across the seas and we think it is ridiculous to be so committed to the point where you are blinded from any sanity and reasoning. Well I give those religious sects one thing, they are committed to their cause, no matter how silly we think that cause might be.

It made me think, are we as Americans laughing so hard because of our own fear of commitment? The average time for someone to be in one job is 2 years. I know from experience that when I went to work for my current company, it amazed me to find people who had been working here for more than two years. I was so use to people just getting up and going when they no longer liked it. The employers as well. We see lay-off after lay-off only for the position to be reopened after one year. Do they or do they not need the help?

The divorce rate has gone up, kids are even divorcing their parents. The percentage of single parents has increased, not just from divorced situations, but for kids born out of wedlock. Children are wanted, just not when a marriage is involved. Where is the commitment?

I am definitely guilty for having commitment issues. Because as I was hearing the sermon, the phrase "what have you done for me lately" just kept going through my head. Then I began to see "what have I done for you lately". Commitment is so difficult these days because we are so consumed with the "what have you done for me" attitude and not enough of the "what can I do for you" mentality. Humbleness is a thing of the past, and when you are humble it seen as a sign of weakness. But is it really weakness? No, it is purely humbleness, a likeness of Jesus.

To continue back on yesterday, this awesome sermon was then followed by the powerful testimony by my youth leaders, Frank & Sabrina Peavey, who God has blessed over and over and whom God uses to show us that we too can be blessed. I have received a blessing just watching them over the years. Followed by this testimony was a powerful (I can’t think of the word)…piece (I guess this is the best word) of a 9-year old girl praying. I had seen this before, but God specifically orchestrated the Peavey’s blessing to occur before this Edge service. It made the service even more powerful. You can’t see this video without tearing up and feeling outdone by a 9-year old. As Bro Frank said it in his sermon, I don’t know many adults to even pray like that.

So from all of this I just want to say:

• God, you never fail to make each day better than the last. You are awesome and worthy of every single praise.
  
• Pastor Pryor, your sermon was excellent. The evangelist in you began peeking through and cut right to business. I needed that more than I even realized.
  
• Bro Frank and Sis Sabrina, You Go Guys! You opened up your home to be used by God’s people and God decided it was time to get you a new one (so to speak). The way I see it, this calls for another house warming. AMEN!
  

Sky High

During my time in Seattle, I had the pleasure of eating at the Space Needle. If you haven't been to Seattle, the Space Needle is basically their landmark (other than rain) and stands over 600 feet above ground. At the top of the needle sits the dinning room which makes a 360 degree rotation about every hour. It's amazing. I love heights, there is something about being above it all that gives me a thrill. Though you cannot always live at the top, there are moments when we can be on top of the clouds and just enjoy being sky high.

Alaska

Just came back from my Alaskan cruise and must say that it was refreshing and "a sight for sore eyes". There is nothing like being able to while watch whales while savoring the sweet taste of their ocean buddies, the salmon and escargot. Who would of thought that ocean life could be so fun.

I must also say that all the hype is true. There is nothing like the experience of Alaska. Yes, here you can fall in love with God over and over again. No, it doesn’t make me want to move there, but it surely puts something in prospective. God! How can people deny God when an ocean so grand surrounds you for miles and miles? How can they say there is no God when you are looking into a glacier with a color so blue no Crayola crayon could ever match it? How can they say He is not there when you are flying through hurricanes and your head feels like it is spinning 100 mph but you can still wake up in the morning in tack and with a sound mind? No wonder they aren’t happy. They’ve never been to Alaska.

The "Inner" Circle

Since I was young, I’ve never be able to easily meet people. I was a shy girl and still am to a degree. In some ways I have adjusted because you simply cannot enjoy life sheltered away from people and seclusion is very unhealthy. Secluded is exactly what I would be if I was to keep on the track I was going when I was younger. In high school I purposely avoided hanging out with my older sister because she was in the "in crowd". I couldn’t stand all of the attention so I never entered into their "Inner" circle and they never entered into mine.

What a world of difference aging can make. It is unreasonable to avoid people simply because of personality difference or because of a character flaw of our own making. The "inner" circle is no fun when there is no one in it but you. God surely doesn’t share his circle with Himself, but he has accepted so many different people into His "inner" courts. Yes, we have those that we simply get along with, but we should still be able to hang out with others. It simply means that you have no inner circle, but you have close friends.

So, when someone new steps into church or into the office, befriend them. They are the freshmen in this school of learning. They need the acceptance and belonging not seclusion. Break down the walls and put out the welcome sign "Join us Friend."

It's Contagious

Don’t you just love Monday’s. No, it’s not because I get to end my short-lived weekend or because I just love the stress of work life, but it’s almost like another opportunity to start over. We have the opportunity to correct what might have been wrong the past week or we might simply be one step closer to that "thing" we’ve been waiting for.

At work today, there was such an excitement in the air. It all began with one person sharing in the blessings of another and so forth. Celebrations taking place for nothing of significance, but for something that was made to be exciting. A positive productive atmosphere was created from the exciting power of laughter! It’s contagious and something worth catching.

Refresh

Okay, I was cruising on the information highway looking for something in particular (can’t remember what I was looking for because this happened more than once) when all of a sudden the screen pauses. Bam! All I get are fragments of a page. I’m road blocked from reaching my destination. So what do I do? I hit refresh. I don’t want to go backwards, but I want to renew or revive the image on that present screen. Sometimes, don’t you just feel like hitting the refresh button in your life? You don’t want to start over or even go backwards, you just want a little reviving in your spirit. You just need to fill up again and keep going. I know I do. So this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to take a pause in this display screen called life, put down the phone, jump off the computer and take a moment to just REFRESH. Talk to ya tomorrow. Good Night.

Tip of The Week

Learn something new everyday.

Today I learned about Boanerges. I came across this during my internet reading. See Robbymac.org. According to Dictionary.com this means sons of thunder, a surname given by our Lord to James and John (Mark 3:17) on account of their fervid and impetuous temper (Luke 9:54). Prior to their spiritual maturity, James and John could be known as Boanerges. We definitely do not remember them as such.

It’s wonderful how God’s presence in a person’s life can be so evident in their character. As a teenager, I was once classified as "The Black Heart." I was brutally honest and at times (well many times) just flat out cold hearted. I can’t say that I am not brutally honest at times in my adult life, but I am definitely not known for it any longer. I have people asking me if I ever get angry. Now, they obviously do not spend much time with me because I still have to work out some of that road rage (all part of living in California), but there has been a change since I’ve allowed God to step into my life and take control.

As Robbymac put it, "What kind of a man [woman] do I want to be known as? Boanerges or the apostle of love?"

Soul Searching is Relevant to Spreading The Gospel

"There is a difference between making the Gospel relevant, and trying to make it suitable to culture. Relevant means that we discard the baggage that we have attached to the Gospel--such as theological jargon--so that our message can be better understood. Suitable is when we try to make the Gospel another positive thinking, get rich scheme which has all too often been the case with many North American churches."

I read this on Brian Leport's blog and it immediately struck out at me. He was summarizing an interview with Donald Miller who speaks on "hip" the Gospel. This instantly caught my eye because it is something that has constantly been on my mind. How do I capture the young adult crowd without them thinking I have lost touch with the times? How do I show them that what mom and pops believed actually works for us without being seen as an "old woman"? With my more serious nature, how can I show them that I have way more fun now than I ever did before, and its not because I’m serious but because it is simply enjoyable?

First of all, it took and is still taking some soul searching. I am always considered the older sibling when I hang out with my older sister. I can’t stand that. So, obviously there is something I needed to adjust in my life that would break me out of this old hag phase and back into the times when I could be the younger sister. This required and still requires much work, but the change is awesome. It is also an outreach tool for younger crowds. I am one of them and not an outsider.

Secondly, I am learning how to bring The Word to them in relevant terms. For instance, I would not go speak in my 5-year old son’s classroom using the vocabulary I would use at work. This is the age when story time is peak hour and animation will make you their best friend. Even a walk to the store can be a fun filled story when I bring it to their terms. So relevance is right on point, when spreading the Gospel. You have to think about who you are talking to, where you are, how you met them, etc. Analyze before you react. This way you can become proactive instead of dreadfully reactive.

I know there are many more points to touch on, but these are the two I have been working hard to develop. To reach a certain audience takes research and dedication. It takes adjustment where necessary and complete change when something is completely broken. It is not easy to evaluate yourself so seek the advice of others. I think my friends have been wondering about me because of all the questions I am asking about myself. Someone has even asked if I have been reading those self help books. I laugh because I believe this is self help that is relevant to spreading The Gospel. My way of discarding the baggage that has made my approach irrelevant. It took soul searching, soul breaking and soul shaping in order to begin in the direction I am seeking and what I believe God has given to me.

Where Did God's Burden Go?

Where did God’s burden go?
Was it devoured up by the beastly appetite of lust and deceit?
Did it fall on the stony hills of rejection and defeat?
Did it wither away with the scorching rays of pride and neglect?
Or did it get blown away by a disease with a simple name called “Forget”?

Did it get cast down or put aside, and forgotten as the days went by?
Did it drown in the depths of selfishness?
Or was it lost in the pits of self-righteousness?
It can’t simply be left and expected to progress.
Because it’s life and it is required to be fed.

So as you sit, take the moment to reflect
Do you know, where did God’s burden go?


God gave us the ability to give. To give in prayer, in fasting to give when we may never receive, to give our best when we don’t want to. Fortunately, God gave us a burden. When I have a burden for someone or something, I find that my prayers are more fervent, my desire is increased and my faith strengthened. It’s the burden that magnifies my belief when we’re against all odds. It’s that burden that keeps me going when my body is weak or my mind is tired. It’s the burden that puts me on my knees in prayer when my body aches. It’s the same burden that heals the weak and mends the broken. It’s the same burden that picks me up when the day drags on. It’s the burden of a mother for her child, the child for a parent, a house for a family, a friend for a friend. It’s the same burden that brought me into church, the cleansed my soul and granted me forgiveness when I was unworthy. It’s the burden that directs souls to a loving God. It’s God’s burden living in us all and fed by prayer.

Mother's Day

Ruth 1:16
And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God

As a single Mother, Mother’s Day normally leans more towards an average day. Since my son is young and still very dependent upon me, any events planned are planned by me. This Mother’s Day, I have been truly blessed with a wonderful eventful weekend. As Sister Terry has said, I’ve been emotional this weekend. The reason is because I realized, that although I have gone many Mother’s Day without a mother, I have the opportunity to make each Mother’s Day special with my son and adopted “niece and nephew”. These years are my second chance to give what I didn’t have and I thank God for such a blessing.

To all of the single mothers and all of the women who have lost their mother’s, I wish you a wonderful Mother’s Day.

To all of the women who have taken the time to teach me and guide me and love me, I love you and hope your day was even more blessed than mine.

To Sister Pryor, Happy First Mother’s Day in Orange County. Anthony and I appreciate you and love you.

Speechless

"Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart." -Martin Luther King

Miracle Living

There are two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
-Albert Einstein

Do you think this is Reality thinking vs. Dreaming or Optimism vs. Pessimism?
We don’t have to give up dreaming to accomplish what is reality, but you do have to stay optimistic to accomplish a dream. You must see the vision before you can live it and you must believe it in order to achieve it. I don’t konw anyone that said it could never happen and then went out and made it happen. I do know many people who dreamed a vision, remained optimistic when reality said it wasn’t permissible, and accomplished the dream. With God everything is possible even when it is humanly impossible. Just remember that He is the Miracle Worker and everyday we live a miracle.

I'm Off

I’m off to my piano lessons today. The lessons have become more regular now, which is always a plus. Today, I am really excited about my lessons because I have a new song that I would like to learn for our next Edge service. I already have some songs lined up, but piano is always more exciting when there is a new song to be learned. Kind of reminds me of faith, its usually more exciting when you learn something new. Practicing the fundamentals can become repetitive, but
it is refreshing when this dedication and commitment allows me to build upon my faith by freeing up time to learn something new and exciting.

Bringing Home The Church

I read something interesting today about spiritual disconnectedness. In "Are We Too Disconnected" the following was written:

"About half or more than half of the believers DO NOT attend a church service on Sunday." The fact is, the majority of these people are probably not connecting with what we might call a consistent spiritual community…Their most significant communal rhythms happen through a number of separate events and occasions in homes, coffee shops, clubs, festivals, etc. And in the past 7 years, the internet has become another of those places where spiritual gifts are shared and the accountability of relationship is maintained despite physical distance."

Though I am not in agreement with everything that is said in this blog, because God gave us a pastor after his own heart (Jeremiah 3:15), I do agree that there is a steadily increasing stream of disconnection taking place. In our efforts to adapt to change we have provided a very easy way for people to adapt in church without physically being in a church. We have brought church home with us, and many decided to keep it there.

Yes, we need to be able to find God even in our homes, in the coffeehouses or on the internet. However, I the intentions were never to replace the church house, but to allow a way for people to be connected when there was no other way. It was more of a ‘if they can’t come to us, then we’ll come to them’ approach. It was not intended as an option, but as the last resort.

Consequently, we have developed "Personal Christianity". Today is the "feel good" era. If it doesn’t feel right, then don’t do it. That mentality has seeped its way into the Christian hearts and convoluted the purpose of God’s joy. God gave laws, he reprimanded when they were broken and rewarded when they were kept. Man did not make them, but God did. Today we dangerously titer-tot on the fine line of God’s ways and our ways, His church or ours. Most of the time we sit and hang out on the "Our Ways" side without ever finding our way to His side. Ultimately, this has made the church into the enemy instead of the ally. God never intended for man to be alone, physically or spiritually. He would have never created Eve if this were the case. He would have created unreproductable creatures that would die on the very same lot on which they were created.

We all need church. It’s not the building that is important, but the spiritual support as well as the physical support. However, we must continue with global outreach in order to provide the support to those who are unable to find it elsewhere. I don’t care if church is held outside or in, but I do care for its presence and the fact that it is serving the purpose for which God intended: a founding structure, a support haven, a house of refuge, a house of joy, a house of learning, and a house of growth. It’s The House of God.

Awesome are Your Ways

Lord, awesome are your ways. You knew Lord what I needed to hear. When I asked I did received. To think that just a few words could be the blessing I was looking for. You used one person's weakness and anothers strength to create an equilibrium; the balance of a world that was unevenly shaped. You are awesome.

Amen

This Isn't the End, This is Only The Beginning

A blessing from the Lord is here! In the last two weeks we have experienced wonderful services. We have been able to participate in the Azusa Street Centennial Services. My home church has continued with the spirit of revival and has been blessed with a wonderful move of God. We've been on the move, God has been on the move, and it has been such a blessing. After all is said and done, our momentum continues even though we physically begin to decelerate. This is not the end of revival, this is only the beginning. Hallelujah!

Hope

"Hope…, unlike optimism, is independent of people's circumstances. Hope is not based on the possibilities of the situation and on correct extropolation about the future. Hope is grounded in the faithfulness of God and therefore on the effectiveness of God's promise...it is the future that comes not from the realm of what is or what was, but from the realm of what is not yet...Optimism is based on the possibilities of things as they have come to be; hope is based on the possibilities of God irrespective of how things are. Hope can spring up even in the valley of the shadow of death; indeed, it is there that it becomes truly manifest." - Miroslav Volf