Love Languages of a Single Parent - Physical Touch

Physical touch is a language that crosses all colors, any language, any race, ethnicity or culture. A quick embrace can say I love you, or a pat on the back can say “good job”. The language of physical touch is powerful which is why the amount that we do or don’t touch can make or break relationships.

So in the middle of my reading, I began to think about the relation of single parents and physical touch. How does a single parent who is living for God give and receive physical touch without crossing the boundaries of the flesh and enter into lustful temptations? As a single parent, will I ever be able to fill my emotional tank from someone other than my child? Will that need ever be able to be fulfilled while I wait for matrimonial bliss, if this is the path that I will eventually take? I have at times wondered, do the wedded or never married understand the physical trials we [single parents] face?

Yes, yes, yes! Though at times things seem out of sorts and unfulfilling, there is a way. I have thought on this, battled with this, and finally relinquished the burden of it to God. For you who speak the language of physical touch, you too can fill your emotional tank. Here is how.

For the Singles/Never Married/Once Married/etc:
This may sound unrealistic, but in all reality the first place you need to look to is God and not to man. GOD IS OMNIPRESENT. He is there when you need Him. You need a hug, ask Him. You need physical comforting, ask Him. I’m not playing. Yes, He is a spirit, but He also once came down and manifested Himself into man. He fully understands the needs of physical touch. He experienced the beauty of a mother’s touch, or a father’s pat on the back. He knows about the bedtime stories and cuddling. Outside of the parental touch, I’m sure He at one point was tempted by flesh. The bible says that Jesus was not appealing to the eyes, but I bet that some woman found him appealing. Really, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, attraction does not always stem from looks, but from power, authority and a demanding appeal. He had all of those, even to the unbeliever. He never sinned, you never hear about His disciples dealing with lust. They focused on God and the kingdom of heaven, instead of the advances of women. That’s what we must do even when it seems impossible, Keep Your Eyes on God. By staying focused your physical desires can be fulfilled through the Spirit.

Have you ever been praying and felt a strong presence of the Lord? It’s almost
like someone is right there with you. I have. There have been several times when
I have been praying and I feel the warmth of loving arms surrounding me. It is
so real, I have opened my eyes expecting to see someone only to see nothing.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, evidence of things not seen (Hebrews
11:1). I could not see Him by sight, but I could feel him by faith. It was at
these moments my battles were won. He touched me, I know he touched me, and oh
the joy that floods my soul.

God understands what we need and when we need it. He knew that I needed a hug and not a pat on the back. He knew I needed to feel secure and only the language of physical touch could provide that sense of security and love that I was seeking. He knows and He can provide. So, ask Him and see what He can do for you.

For the fellow church family:
You are awesome. You know why? Because we pray together. Do you know that we are filling love tanks when we pray together? Ladies, when we join together as one or even just jointly pray we are communicating love through the language of physical touch? I can’t say how many times, I was going through the “unloved” stage of being single and really wanting just a hug, when one of you would come put your arms around me and pray with me. All I wanted was affirmation and you provided it through the simple act of prayer. You were an answer to prayer. This is one thing that made me fall in love with this church as well as Pentecost. The friendliness, the sensitivity to the needs of others is evident daily. Sometimes a hug or a touch to the arm are the only words that need to be spoken. So, when you see someone praying alone, unite with them, because you are not only unifying in the spirit, but are providing love, through an unspoken language that can speak louder than words.

Crossing Boundaries:
As for crossing boundaries, all I can say is, if you live in the flesh, you will cross boundaries. If you live with the Spirit in you, the issue of flesh will seem like an anthill and not a mountain. Flesh should not have dominion over you, and if it does then the Spirit cannot. This is not easy when we are surrounded by flesh and lots of it pretty much everywhere we go. This country particularly lives by the “Sex sells” philosophy. Its pretty sad when restaurants think the only way to sell a burger is by putting a woman in a bikini in the advertisement. They know that what appeals to the eyes will ignite physical desires whether this is eating a burger or drinking a soda. So don’t let your flesh have control over you, but keep control of your flesh and you will remain within the physical boundaries and be able to benefit from the language of physical touch.

Ultimately, my need for physical touch has been fulfilled. I still battle with the “unloved” stage every now and then. Those are the times when I am giving more hugs, because I want some in return. Those are the times, I go pray with others even more because my temptations are being conquered by giving to others what I want done to me. Do unto others as you wish them to do unto you. Sometimes you have to give in order to receive. Its okay to have needs, we are human, but sometimes you have to let others know what your need are so that they don’t waste time in trying to guess and possibly miss your hints all together.

Stay tuned for more on
the Love Languages of a
Single Parent...

The Love Language of a Single Parent - Introduction

I have been reading The Five Love Languages of Children, a book written by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. The book is exactly about the what the title says, the love languages of children. I have to say that it is an exceptional read, especially for those parents who have no idea what happened to that once loveable, outgoing child.

I think as parents we often don't realize what changes our children go through and how sensitive they are to their surroundings and anything that threatens to alter it. We equate everything to the "phase" that they are going through, when it might simply be a cry out for love.

So, this got me to thinking...I as an adult have often cried out, even when I didn't realize that I was doing it. I too have gone through phases, my most memorable being postpartem depression, but there are things that I battle with still today. If I was to examine my love language I would have to say that at that time, my tank is not quite full. But I know where I can fill up.

So, starting tomorrow, I will begin my 5-day blog on the five love languages of a young single parent (Since I am one). Each day I will examine one love language and discuss what a single parent might think when the tank is empty and when the tank is full. Tomorrow, I will begin with the language of physical touch.

Stay tunned for more....

Six Foot and Proud

Today, I wore flat shoes, which is a rarity for me. Though I stand 6’ tall, I love to wear heels and have no quarrels about it at all. I realized that I must be "giganta" woman when I am in my heels because today I wasn’t towering over my coworkers as I normally do. So when I received numerous stares and comments on not wearing heels I instantly thought to an article that I read in Shape Magazine. It was nothing big, but just some quotes on things that have made people feel good. One woman was tall and made the comment that although she towers at 6’1", she loves to wear heels to show the world what an "amazon" women she is. This made me laugh because I do notice that when I get off the platform from praise singing that my microphone normally stands a foot higher than all the rest. I don’t dress this way for attention, I purely do it because I love heels and feel bare without them. God made me tall, and I will love every inch because that’s what He wanted me to be. God made us in the form he liked best for us, don’t try to be something that you are not, but love what you are.

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." (Genesis 1:27)

What Have You Done for Me Lately?

I can only classify yesterday as "Unforgettable". The title that I have used came to mind during the morning preaching. Pastor Pryor taught on commitment. It was one of those sermons where the finger is not pointed at you but you couldn’t help but feel like it was directly meant for you. I know I am not the only one, which is why I can freely say this, but the sermon was one of those were you can hardly breathe because you know in some way that you have not followed through, you have not committed where you should have.

I couldn’t help but think how uncommitted this world really is. I know there is war going on between religious sects across the seas and we think it is ridiculous to be so committed to the point where you are blinded from any sanity and reasoning. Well I give those religious sects one thing, they are committed to their cause, no matter how silly we think that cause might be.

It made me think, are we as Americans laughing so hard because of our own fear of commitment? The average time for someone to be in one job is 2 years. I know from experience that when I went to work for my current company, it amazed me to find people who had been working here for more than two years. I was so use to people just getting up and going when they no longer liked it. The employers as well. We see lay-off after lay-off only for the position to be reopened after one year. Do they or do they not need the help?

The divorce rate has gone up, kids are even divorcing their parents. The percentage of single parents has increased, not just from divorced situations, but for kids born out of wedlock. Children are wanted, just not when a marriage is involved. Where is the commitment?

I am definitely guilty for having commitment issues. Because as I was hearing the sermon, the phrase "what have you done for me lately" just kept going through my head. Then I began to see "what have I done for you lately". Commitment is so difficult these days because we are so consumed with the "what have you done for me" attitude and not enough of the "what can I do for you" mentality. Humbleness is a thing of the past, and when you are humble it seen as a sign of weakness. But is it really weakness? No, it is purely humbleness, a likeness of Jesus.

To continue back on yesterday, this awesome sermon was then followed by the powerful testimony by my youth leaders, Frank & Sabrina Peavey, who God has blessed over and over and whom God uses to show us that we too can be blessed. I have received a blessing just watching them over the years. Followed by this testimony was a powerful (I can’t think of the word)…piece (I guess this is the best word) of a 9-year old girl praying. I had seen this before, but God specifically orchestrated the Peavey’s blessing to occur before this Edge service. It made the service even more powerful. You can’t see this video without tearing up and feeling outdone by a 9-year old. As Bro Frank said it in his sermon, I don’t know many adults to even pray like that.

So from all of this I just want to say:

• God, you never fail to make each day better than the last. You are awesome and worthy of every single praise.
  
• Pastor Pryor, your sermon was excellent. The evangelist in you began peeking through and cut right to business. I needed that more than I even realized.
  
• Bro Frank and Sis Sabrina, You Go Guys! You opened up your home to be used by God’s people and God decided it was time to get you a new one (so to speak). The way I see it, this calls for another house warming. AMEN!
  

Sky High

During my time in Seattle, I had the pleasure of eating at the Space Needle. If you haven't been to Seattle, the Space Needle is basically their landmark (other than rain) and stands over 600 feet above ground. At the top of the needle sits the dinning room which makes a 360 degree rotation about every hour. It's amazing. I love heights, there is something about being above it all that gives me a thrill. Though you cannot always live at the top, there are moments when we can be on top of the clouds and just enjoy being sky high.

Alaska

Just came back from my Alaskan cruise and must say that it was refreshing and "a sight for sore eyes". There is nothing like being able to while watch whales while savoring the sweet taste of their ocean buddies, the salmon and escargot. Who would of thought that ocean life could be so fun.

I must also say that all the hype is true. There is nothing like the experience of Alaska. Yes, here you can fall in love with God over and over again. No, it doesn’t make me want to move there, but it surely puts something in prospective. God! How can people deny God when an ocean so grand surrounds you for miles and miles? How can they say there is no God when you are looking into a glacier with a color so blue no Crayola crayon could ever match it? How can they say He is not there when you are flying through hurricanes and your head feels like it is spinning 100 mph but you can still wake up in the morning in tack and with a sound mind? No wonder they aren’t happy. They’ve never been to Alaska.